I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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