i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
