Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
