He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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