Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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