I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
