When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
