I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
