i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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