My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
