Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
