Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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