i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
