So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
