When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
