literally had 100 drinks last night.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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