I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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