There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
