i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
