I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You work out of a Hotel?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
