I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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