You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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