her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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