ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
