Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
