i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
