What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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