so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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