Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
