You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
