I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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