five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i love accidental penises.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
