The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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