Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
