i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
