I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
