Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
