It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
