what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
