The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
