this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
