Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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