He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
