what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
