I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
