So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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