I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
