My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
