Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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