Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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