btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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