you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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