I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
