Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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