One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My bed smells like the plague
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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