no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you never un-have a 4some
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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