he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you win again, gameday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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