Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
