good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
