dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize