About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
