have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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