the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
