Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
