never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
