its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
