I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
