Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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