don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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