Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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