I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
