I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
